oi oi oi

today i dug out this old vest i have. its pretty fuckin punk, with studs and obscure patches and its all black and old and torn. it used to make me feel so fuckin cool, i thought it was great. now, though, it just makes me feel stupid. it made me realize im truly over punk rock, at least as a culture. i think ill always love the music, but i think the scene is dead, if it was ever alive. maybe its the same, and ive changed. when i think about it, only about 4 or 5 of the hundreds of punk rockers ive met havent been posers. they were truly free from corporate influence and legal obedience. of course, they were homeless drug addicts, but thats besides the point. they were definitely legit punx. most of the ones ive known were whiny-ass, ignorant teenagers who didnt have jobs and lived with their parents, and constantly complained about how hard life is. they spent hundred of dollars on trendy stretch jeans, and practiced nihilistic affectations like picking fights and drinking all day. and dont get me started on people making up "punk" names and transforming into these personas, seemingly overnight.
dear god, i hope i wanst like these people i have in mind. but it seems likely i was.

xxxmas

this year, i had kind of a hard time getting into xmas, cuz if i dont think theres a god, whats the point? as near as i can figure, its sort of a social "armstice day." sort of a day where all the people get together nd say "ok, for at least ONE day, we'll concern ourselves with peace and joy and the welfare and happiness of others." of course, thats completely overlooking the materialism and needless concern over trivialities.
speaking of materialism, i got a helluva good haul this year. my ladys parents got us a TV antennae...finally, some fuckin' football! jeopardy and wheel of fortune, too...
plus some fairly bitchin' books and cds.

i think people maaay have gotten a little too worked up over obama. sure, i think hell be a good president. but there are a lot of serious, fundemental problems with the way we govern America. changing that will require total adjustment, even complete turnaround, of the attitudes of our politicians, and yes, our citizens. now, im not perfect by any means, but when i look at my fellow americans, i see a lot of shallow attitudes, trivial interests, apathy, and short attention spans. i also see a lot of searching for solutions to symptoms, instead of causes. for example, these bailouts that have become so popular. you cant just throw money at this problem! this situation that were in is the result of unchecked corporate greed, and utter lack of foresight.
but thats just one example. change ATTITUDES, not surface things.

so im thinking about joining the army. in the past, ive thought about the navy, but that was largely cuz i was bored. nowadays, though, there are different reasons. i made a foolish decision a few years ago and dropped out of school. at the time, i didnt care cuz i thought working in fast food the rest of my life. but now, i have a serious gf and a stepson to support. lifes expensive and we dont have much money at all, and things are getting bad financially. i have no training, no experience to speak of, and the only place i can get paid to train for a career is the military. if i could support us for 4 years in the military, then jill could finish school and id get out with a chance to get somewhere in life.
im just examining my options. no decisions have been made yet, but from the research ive done, it could be a good move for us.